Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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