I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
