I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
