Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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