Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
