My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
