she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
