biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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