South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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