normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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