god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
