it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
