you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
