I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
PANTIES FOUND
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