You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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