They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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