dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my phone needs a breathalizer
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
