Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
