it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
