The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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