My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
my liver is dry heaving
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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