I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
