So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
