my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
