so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize