great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
and she was petting her beer can
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
