I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
