Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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