Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
