Joe is yelling at the trees again.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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