you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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