So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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