when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I met the friendliest cop last night
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
