is your mom at the bar?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
