I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
