I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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