I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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