Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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