Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
