Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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