Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
