That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
