so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
