you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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