ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize