I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You ate ashes out of my bong
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
