his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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