You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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