What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
