I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
