You really coming over, don't trick.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
a search helicopter?!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
