We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
