you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
