dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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