just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
