i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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