Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize