you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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