he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
