yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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