I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize