the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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