Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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