dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
