he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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