So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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