I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
