Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
