Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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