I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
