sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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