SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
