Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
