He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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