I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
