in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think I am morally bankrupt
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
