I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm bleeding and have questions
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
