The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
