STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize