I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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