Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
