Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
