Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He kissed a someone with a penis
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
