It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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