i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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