please come you make the beer taste better
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
