walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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