Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
