I'm jealous of your bromance
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
