I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
