You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
