..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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