i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
