i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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