Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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