Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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