I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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