I want to stick my p in your. b.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
