A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i already hear my dad disowning me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
